It was a Friday night. I was recently dumped for being ‘incompatible’ . I was starting to admit it may have some truth to it, but it wasnt easy. She was a woman I was a man, how hard was it? Anyway I needed something to do. I rang my only bro friend in Melbourne. I seemed to find women friends a lot easier than men friends, unfortunately I would invariably sleep with them and ruin it, the women that was. Such was life. I was ok with it. I had to be. It was how it was.


‘What you up to tonight’ he asked


‘recently dumped mate…thinking of getting a hooker in’ I was only half joking, it took a woman to get over a woman and all that.


‘haha, yea cool you should try Kittens’


‘whats that?’


‘strip joint round near my way they only have to pay $5 to the house so they are easier to get on with and cheaper too. its fun.’ he said.


‘oh ok, maybe’ I said and we said our goodbyes.


I thought about it all day. I needed that sparkle that girls could give you, make you believe, fake you believe, you were actually of interest to them. It was kind of scary because you realised how easy it was to fall for that kind of flattery from a girl. They must play us all the time. I guess it is how it is setup. But there was a problem, I wasnt drinking at the moment. Places like that would get me back drinking. It was a bit of a problem. It was enough to put me off. I checked the website for a bit of inspurrration. They had a Kitten car wash too. That was fantastic. I made a mental note to make a business deal, talking about day to day affairs, while being driven through a Kitten carwash as if it was normal. It appealed to me.


I had some errands to run that day so forgot about it until driving home near 5pm and realised I had made my decision. I had seen that a ‘sound bath’ was on in North Melbourne at a Shakti centre and was interested to see what effect it had. I really was trying to heal myself and my woman pains in more positive affirming ways now I was a bit older, I also knew that to take the hooker option was not only a bit of a cop out, but kind of unhealthy on the mind, not to mention the wallet. The soul could cope. Hell, I could do it easy and it would be fun, but … there was a but. So I opted for the sound bath. I couldnt tell that to my broheem, he wouldnt understand , or maybe he would, but he would hit me with a tirade of ‘ farkin soap dodging hippy what the faark’ type comments that I really couldnt be bothered to have to respond to. So I just sms’d him telling him I forgot I had other plans and would catch up next time. He didnt reply but that was fine too. Bros were like that.


So instead of Kittens, I went for a sound bath.


I arrived to meet the hostess who had a number of crystal bowls laid out on the floor upstairs in front of a massive altar with Indian deities and lots of crystals and golden shiva type things. So it was an Indian meditation and healing centre. cool. I had a quick chat with her, got the gist of the evenings procedures, and took a wander about before grabbing a mat, a blanket and pillow and making myself comfortable with my head near the bowls in my chosen floor spot.


About 9 people were present by the time it came for the evening to begin. I was in a bit of a daze, thinking about Kittens actually, when the hostess handed round some ‘virtue cards’ and said we should set our intentions for the sound bath healing and then take a card. I took one. It said ‘Flexibility’. After a time she asked us each in turn to say a little about our intention and how the card we picked related.


At first I didnt think it did, or more accurately it actually made me think about the Kittens club again. They were pretty flexible. but then the more I considered it I realised it was quite a good one and had me thinking about aspects of my current state of affairs that I had not considered.


My intention was to heal my relationship to the feminine. I was still in a lot of hurt from the failure of my 5 months with M. She had left me a bit of mess. It was my own doing, she had in fact been accidently brilliant in reflecting back at me just what a moody, jealous, unsociable and cranky old bastard I was. Great. Now I was a single one again and it was with a big hole in my heart and chest that I lived my days. I needed some kind of healing. Flexible Kittens would have helped, but looking around, I suspected it was best not to share my choices with what I had just realised …was a room full of women.


Where were the guys?


I mentioned this during my explanation of my intention and how flexibility was probably something I did need, again mention of Kitten’s flexibility virtues at this point seemed unwise. I sure needed to learn to bend and not fight the winds that blow and most especially not try to change the things outside of me, or even maybe inside of me sometimes too. Just bend and flow with it, become it, for a time, until it lets up and I can resume my original shape and form. Flexibility, who’d a thunk it, strangely apropos.


So… where were the guys?


‘You are in a shakti centre’ said one of the ladies.


‘Ah…’ I said. suddenly the penny dropped. I had gatecrashed a chick night, at a chick centre, for chicks.


oh that was good.


I laughed. Clearly they didnt mind my being there all the same, but I tried not to think about it too much. I suddenly felt strangely foolish. I was on their turf, they could tear me to bits if they wanted and probably would if they knew what had been running around my mind for the last 30 minutes or what my other evening enterainment options had been. The kind of guy I actually was. But they seemed to be warming to me. I hoped. Step carefully young man, ney tippy-toe through a potential vipers nest should I trigger just one them.


I used all my prowess to act like a grounded male and not the retarded baby sex-chimp that I probably was. If I could just make the exit in about 3 hours without saying something stoopid, all would be fine.


I lay down. The hostess went to work. Let the sounds bath me. They resonated deep inside me and wobbled everything that existed at every layer. It was in fact amazing by god. Much better than anything a Kitten could have done to me…actually thats rubbish, but it was bloody good and it felt positive. I didnt jizz on any furniture, babble weird and obscene perversities, grunt off like a baby gorilla, nor feel that overwhelming sense of blaaarrggh that can follow le petit mort when experienced with a well rehearsed , but ultimately cold as ice, hooker date.


When I thought about it. I was actually surrounded by meditation Kittens, albeit older more wrinkly ones, but nice, kind, with hearts and heartfelt intentions. I felt peaceful. I needed peaceful. Chaos wouldnt help me become anything other than more numb and dumb. Numb was ok sometimes, dumb was probably incurable, but I needed something real. I needed a new path to follow, a new way, a healing way.


yes, I needed a bath.


Spent, I went home.

Happy Ending.



meditation kitty


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